Jan. 30th, 2013

What if...

Jan. 30th, 2013 12:24 am
ophelias_heart: (Default)
Deeks really got fired in "The Debt".
Title: What if
Series: NCIS LA
Characters: Kensi/Deeks
Ratings: T for safety
Notes/Warnings: Spoilers for "The Debt". Also, I wrote this really late without anyone to read over it so sorry in advance for the gramatical nightmare and possible OOCness of this fic.

When Deeks got home that night he found Kensi camped outside his front door. “I’m guessing you’re not going to let this go a second time huh?” he asked.
“You didn’t let me say anything, you just walked away and for the first time in my life I get to confront someone that leaves me, so yeah you are just going to stand there and listen,” Kensi responded trying hard to keep the hurt out of her voice and face.
“Is there any way we could move this party inside so that I don’t have to explain to my co-workers why they are getting calls about a domestic disturbance at my apartment.” Deeks begged looking more tired than she had ever seen him. She almost gave in to him, but then she remembered how his exit had struck her one weakness. Abandonment.
“I’m not staying so there is no need for me to get comfortable, I just came to explain to you why we can’t be friends anymore, you literally said “I’ll call you”! Do you have any idea...”
“Stop” Deeks cut her off with a word. “I’ve had a really shitty day and I would like to go inside, grab a beer, sit down and talk about things with my best friend. Please, Kens, just lets go inside. After we talk, if you still want to leave, you’re free to go.”

Once they got inside and got settled on opposite sides of the couch Deeks gestured for Kensi to begin.
“I don’t think I can properly put into words how, discouraged and insignificant you made me feel today. I just wanted you to say ‘I’ll miss you’ or ‘I will fight this’ or hell even ‘Kensi, I’ve been in love with you since the moment you walked into that gym and now that we aren’t working together we can see where that takes us.’ But no, you not only had nothing to say, you wouldn’t let me say how I felt. I love you. I don’t know when you went from being my best friend to being the man I love, but it happened. I couldn’t even admit it to myself for a long time, but I was going to tell you because everything was changing and I had to hang on to what I know. And I know that I love you. You walked away without a backward glance. What is it about me that makes it so easy to leave me? I understand that I’m stubborn and hard to get along with, but you made me feel disposable. I thought you were different, I thought that you cared. I kinda thought we had a thing” Kensi demanded trying, but failing to stop the tears.
“Kens-” Deeks started.
“No, you know what I’m not even sure why I came here. I should have just let you walk off into the sunset and learn my lesson for good this time. Don’t trust people, they will find a way to let you down,” Kensi finished.
“Can I say something?” Deeks mumbled.
“What?” barely hearing him above what were now very probably sobs.
“I said can I say something?” Deeks bellowed.
“Why not, you can’t make me feel worse,” Kensi admitted.
“I didn’t stop you because I didn’t want to hear what you had to say. I wasn’t intending to never see you again. I just didn’t want to have that discussion in the middle of the mission. I wanted to be able to speak freely without people watching and listening and I wanted to be able to do this,” Deeks explained leaning in to capture her lips.
“I didn’t mean for you to think that you meant nothing to me. I just...I know how you feel about feelings and hard you have worked to seem strong and professional and I didn’t want you to throw that out the window, because you thought this was the end of something. So, I won’t be your partner at work anymore. Can we maybe try being partners in life for a while? I love you Fern and I don’t want you to ever doubt that or me again,” Deeks admitted.
“So you want to date?” Kensi sputtered.
“Look it’s been a really long day for both of us, why don’t you take the bed and I’ll sleep out here and we can talk some more in the morning when we’ve both had some sleep. Okay?” Deeks suggested.
“You want to be partners in life and you won’t share a bed with me?” Kensi retorted.
“I was just giving you room to think,” Deeks explained.
“We both just admitted we loved each other, I don’t think there is any need for you to sleep on the couch. Also, this way I can make sure you don’t sneak out on me,” she joked.

They got into bed and all the lights were out. They laid with Kensi’s back to Deeks chest. “I was scared today. Of losing you. I tend to lose the people I love,” Kensi whispered.
Deeks tightened his arms around her waist, “I know princess and I’m so sorry for that.”


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