ophelias_heart | Whiney post that can't go on FB

My stepmom called Monday and my dad has leukemia (specifically cmml) and also MDS (myelodysplatic syndrome) which both mean his bone marrow is dead/dying. With his prior conditions they are unable to do a transplant. They also think that his lung cancer might be back(I'm not sure if my stepmom thinks that or the drs). The doctors say that there is a 10% chance he will make it a year. They are going to do a type of treatment that is chemo or similar to chemo (which he has reacted well to in general in the past), but I don't think anyone thinks this is a cure, I'm pretty sure it's just a time grab. It's so different than it was when my mom got sick and so sickeningly the same. I'm not sure what I'm feeling or doing, I'm just kind of adrift. Patrick is trying so much harder to help then he did with my mom and I get that it's because he's older and there isn't as much animosity with my dad, but it's almost upseting, because I was much closer to my mom.
I'm so sad, but at the same time I feel horrible because when my mom was dying I was wishing it was my dad and now I am wishing my stepmom would go first, because she's so much more difficult to deal with. I'm mad and upset because life isn't fair!